Top Dumbemployed

At work today, I was yelled at by my boss for "leaving early" at 6:00. My shift ends at 5:30. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, during our company wide meeting, our HR lady presented a slide listing all employees that had been terminated/laid off this month. Two of those employees had not received the bad news yet. Those two people were in the front row of the meeting. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses came to the legal aid office I work at asking to leave Watchtower magazines in the lobby. I told them we weren't allowed to because we are a publicly funded group. I guess they thought that talking to me for an hour would convince me. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, a few kids were browsing in the magazine section while I shelved some books. I looked over the top of the shelf to see what they were reading. One of them was actually reading the magazine Forbes. I was impressed. The other was reading porn. I''m dumbemployed.

At work today, I was informed that any employee who wanted a "voluntary layoff" could take one in order to travel the world or do whatever it is you do with a severance package. The problem is that our severance amounted to a month's pay. I couldn't travel to Tennessee with that. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the wife of my boss called in asking where he was. I knew, of course. He was at lunch with his mistress. I told the wife that he was in a meeting. Then she proceeded to call me a liar and an idiot for not having the specifics. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the third grade of Avoca Elementary School entered our restaurant. This is not a good thing. I had to cook thirty different chicken fingers, make thirty milkshakes, and then help clean up. Third graders spill a lot. And they don't care. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I watched the longest movie trailer available on Apple.com. Naturally, I rewatched it. Later that day, my boss talked to me about productivity. Not about the trailer though. He said that I was working too hard and making my coworkers look bad. I''m dumbemployed.

At work today, a guest at our hotel came down at around two to the concierge desk. "So," he said, "is the casino still open?" I nodded that it was. Then he asked me if they served drinks. I called and confirmed they were. Then he asked me if he was going to win at craps. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, some stupid teenage vandal decided it would be hilarious if he used the fire extinguisher on his buddy. Oh it was funny for him. But then I had to spend an hour figuring out the procedure for replacing the fire extinguisher. I''m dumbemployed.

At work today, a huge car wreck happened about three buildings down. We all went down to look at it, and my boss said "Man, it's just like NASCAR. Amazing." Except, of course, somebody probably got hurt. At least he didn't get a lawn chair. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, they had us working outdoor security for an arts event. Apparently, this year they wanted to make it easier for the artists. That means they can leave all their crappy paintings and sculptures overnight. And I have to work the overnight shift to guard them. I'm dumbemployed.