Top Dumbemployed

At work today, I gave a tour of the factory floor to a group of temps we hired. one raised his hand. "Excuse me," he said, "but where exactly is the gym?" It's a factory kid, not a health club. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, about half of the kids in my class were pretending to be vampires. Have you ever seen a first grader claim to be a "messenger of the undead"? It's a little creepy. Especially when it seems authentic. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I played dumb when it came to a big project, because I didn't want to do it. I played a little too dumb, I guess. They gave a promotion to my coworker. I got a pat on the back. Well, better than being fired. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got my shift changed. Unfortunately, I've been working another job behind my boss's back. My new shift ends exactly when other job starts. I have some explaining to do. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got my paycheck and noticed a new special feature- I was missing 5 bucks. Apparently, they're taking it out of our paychecks to pay for the breakroom renovation. First, that's illegal. Second, there's still a hole in the wall. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working (read: writing recaps of Gossip Girl). Suddenly, a customer tapped me on the shoulder. "I was going to ask you if you had this blouse in red," she said. "But I'd rather talk about Chace Crawford!" We did- for twenty minutes. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was trying to memorize my lines for a commercial I booked. I worked really hard to get all the dialogue down perfectly. Then, on set, the director told me: all my lines are going to be in voiceover, not dialogue. I could have just read them off the page. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I called a restaurant to order a gift card for a client. She asked me for the "To" and "From." I said, "To Tom, from Citi" (the bank). She asked for my last name, and I gave it, and I asked her if she needed my first name too. She replied, "It's Citi. Right?" I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working a sample sale. Have you ever been to one? They get a little...feisty. Today we had two black eyes and a near stabbing with a nail file. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, our owner in California wanted to order a banner for our New Hampshire store. He wanted to use "their place in Cali" to save $15. Of course, shipping will cancel that out. And it will arrive 2 days late. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I gave a massage to a first time client. He showed up and stripped right away. And in a bag, he had a special oil. Who brings their own oil? I was scared to even touch it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I really wished we had a mailroom. I went to the post office to mail our packages. It took twenty minutes. Not because of lines, but because of idiot postal workers. I'm dumbemployed.