Register | About | RSS RSS | Login

Weird Shift

At work today, I wrote a "Happy Anniversary" card for one of my employees. I intended it for his fifth anniversary with the company. But he came into my office crying. "Me and Betty are getting a divorce," he said. Whoops. Bad choice of words. I'm dumbemployed.

by sweet_fire_fly on 05/24/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( happy anniversary fifth anniversary divorce )

At work today, I approached my job with a new sense of certainty. I will do what I want, when I want, how I want to do it. My first order of business? A long nap on the reception area couch. I think my new certainty is that I'll be fired soon. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/23/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( certainty nap receptionist )

At work today, three people took cigarette breaks at the same time. I watched them from the window. They were playing Uno. I would have been mad- but I was mostly sad I wasn't invited. I even smoke, too. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/21/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( cigarette uno breaks )

At work today, my aunt came into my workplace. I love her, but only because it's an obligation. "This is a nice office," she said drily. "Which corner is yours?" Then I showed her to my cubicle. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/21/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( corner cubicle aunt )

At work today, I did a Twitter search for my company. I found it alright- there were over 29 tweets complaining about the job and the company. Two of them were from "Lilaxing"- who I realized is my boss. I'm dumbemployed.

by madmouse90 on 05/14/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (18) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( twitter tweeting complaining )

At work today, I mowed the lawn for my neighbors. I used a riding mower. They have a dog. No, I didn't run over the dog. But I did shred at least 6 chew toys. I hope it doesn't come out of my pay. Not that I'm telling them. I'm dumbemployed.

by elena_nahonkova on 05/11/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( chew toys dog mowing )

At work today, I got the results of my drug test. Before it, I took some special powder that's supposed to help. It turned my pee green. I was obviously nervous. But it worked- I passed the test. I guess drugs are bad, but green urine is fine. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/10/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( drug test pee green )

At work today, I had a very long debate about the nature of genies. My coworker seems to think that genies are nice. This is the person that I am stuck working with. He doesn't even know about genies! By the way, we're in finance. Business is down this year. I'm dumbemployed.

by el0observador on 05/09/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( genies debate finance )

At work today, we got an email- now, before I use the bathroom, I have to ask the gestapo for permission. I'd say they're micromanaging. But I'm a guy. Calling it "micro" managing might insult my manhood. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/07/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( micromanaging bathroom gestapo )

At work today, I finally cleaned my desk area. Turns out that eating lunch at your desk takes its toll. I found sandwich crusts underneath my computer monitor. How is that physically possible? They were preserved beautifully, at least. I'll still eat at my desk tomorrow. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/06/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( cleaning desk lunch )

At work today, I sent out Press Releases proudly promoting a student car wash we're sponsoring. The saddest line? "Last year, over 15 people came." And yet we're still excited about the "business boom" this will give us. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 05/06/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( student car wash press release )

At work today, at the day-care center, I was cleaning up snack. I noticed that there were about ten cups of apple juice left. So I started to throw them away. A co-worker comes up to me and said, "Um... we dump the left over apple juice back into the jug." How sanitary. I'm dumbemployed.

by amstaf86 on 05/05/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (41) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( daycare apple juice sanitation )
Username:

Password:

Remember: