Weird Shift

At work today, my girlfriend called at work. Not appropriately. She started talking dirty. Aren't speakerphones great? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I tried to catch up on news and thought that I'd buy a newspaper in our mall. Turns out that's impossible. Guess they only have room for 3700 copies of US Weekly. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I rented a car to a cute young girl. Everything went fine until the end, when she asked me a question. "And do you all clean blood stains out, or do I?" I'm afraid for my life. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, they installed new glass windows on all four sides of the store. Let's just say we don't work in the safest neighborhood. The owner is glad he got insurance. They'll be installing another new set of windows tomorrow. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I invited some of my coworkers to come over to my house and play poker. Fun, right? Nobody knew the basics. We ended up playing Go Fish. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working from home and decided to take advantage of the special occasion. I took off my shirt. Then my pants. Then my underwear. Then, I realized the window was wide open. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I showed up with a new haircut. Most of the people complimented me on it very politely, saying it made me look young, etc. But more than one didn't recognize who I was. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I finally finished the month long project of collecting newspaper clippings. I closed the folder and asked what I needed to do next. "Well, the newspaper comes out daily," they said. I opened the folder again. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, someone asked me where the hall director lives. I told the guy that he lives downstairs. He continued to ask me his room number. Twice. After I told him specifically that it's the only room down there. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my USB adapted mouse for my laptop broke. I'm used to it, but I used the touch pad. By the end of the day, I had the nerdiest callous on my index finger that any man has ever had. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was assigned a new trainee. Gary- he's 68, uses a walker, and can hardly speak English. Well, he's going to be a greeter. Sadly, he should be good enough. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my annoying meetings all ran short. It was like a little piece of paradise. I went outside and celebrated before I was interrupted. "Well, thanks for coming in on Saturday," my friend said. Oh, that's why they were so short. I'm dumbemployed.