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Weird Shift

At work today, I asked my coworker if he thought a recent sale on plasma TVs was due to the economy. "No," he said. "I think it's because people have less money." I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/18/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( economy money plasma )

At work today, my girlfriend met with me for lunch- where she dumped me. I returned to the office in an understandable funk. My coworker's suggestion? Get a massage from a "girl he knows without a license." I may not talk to him again. Just so I don't accidentally break the law. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/16/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( lunch dumped massage )

At work today, I was licking envelopes. I got through about 100 and thought I'd vomit. Then I looked on my desk and saw the sponge I should have used the entire time. I vomited in my trash can. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/16/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( envelopes licking vomit )

At work today, I was handed a DVD that was wet and smelled like dog pee. When I went to talk to the man who had returned it to ask him to be more careful with his items, he proceeded to say, "We don't have a dog. My son likes to pee on things."
I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/13/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( dvds dogs pee )

At work today, I was praying before my lunch when a secretary sat in front of me. "Are you hands ok?" she asked. "They're folded funny." I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/12/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( praying lunch secretary )

At work today, I served a man a side of fries as an appetizer. I asked what he wanted for a meal. "More fries," he said plainly, as if that were the usual thing people did. He used a half bottle of ketchup, too. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/12/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( fries appetizer ketchup )

At work today, the BTO classic "Taking Care of Business" came on the radio. Everybody started dancing. The one thing we weren't doing was taking care of business. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/10/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (7) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( bto radio taking care of business )

At work today, I saw my desk neighbor's online dating profile. It looked nice. He's also married. And his wife works on the floor above us. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/09/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( neighbor online dating wife )

At work today, I was showing a group of guys an apartment. One of them seemed a little lost. I asked him if he had questions. He sighed and asked if there'd ever been a death in the house, because he was getting a bad vibe. I can explain mold or bad water pressure. But ghosts? I'm dumbemployed.

by oakcat on 07/06/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (10) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( ghosts apartment death )

At work today, I was sweeping up hair when a guy in a trenchcoat came in. "What do you do with the hair?" he sniffed. I told him we threw it away. "I'll give you 50 bucks a bag," he said. "But no questions about it." At least I made 100 bucks today. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/04/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( sweeping hair bags )

At work today, I sold a used car to a young guy with a thick beard. He wasn't the best negotiator. All he cared about was that the in-car lighter worked. I had to demonstrate it for him. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 07/03/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (8) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( used car lighter beard )

At work today, there seemed to be a glow around the store sign outside. At first, we thought it was a good omen. Then it turned out to be some saran wrap that had gotten caught in the wind. I'm dumbemployed.

by jayemcloughlin on 07/03/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( sign glow saran wrap )
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