Just Dumb

At work today, I started to wonder if I'm too old for my job as a construction foreman. My employees wanted me to whistle at a woman walking by. But using all that air seemed like it'd be too exhausting. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, one of my esteemed colleagues showed up super high. His insight into work culture? "Why are hamburger patties round?" I think that might be how Wendy's was invented. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, someone called me about a paper jam in their printer. They claimed that there was no paper jammed at all. I followed the picture instructions on how and where to look for jams. Wouldn't you know it? I removed a half sheet of crumpled paper. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got my paycheck and noticed a new special feature- I was missing 5 bucks. Apparently, they're taking it out of our paychecks to pay for the breakroom renovation. First, that's illegal. Second, there's still a hole in the wall. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I played dumb when it came to a big project, because I didn't want to do it. I played a little too dumb, I guess. They gave a promotion to my coworker. I got a pat on the back. Well, better than being fired. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was driving a limo for some high schoolers. They screamed and drank as usual. But when it came time for the tip, Mommy and Daddy's money didn't go as far. I'm going to start charging gratuities automatically. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my little brother shadowed me at work. I like my job as a park ranger. But he's a little sour. "Couldn't you get a job inside?" he asked me. You're welcome. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I sang my heart out during after work karaoke. I was in high school choir and thought I was good. I was hoping for an encore request. Instead, my coworkers booed me. Sigh. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I begged my coworker for forgiveness. You know how sometimes you switch shifts with somebody and forget? I do that sometimes. Like, 10 times so far. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, they put in new lights which make the food look bright, appear more vibrant and increase the overall attractiveness of the dish. They installed them in the kitchen. Not the restaurant and banquet rooms. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was listening to the radio and heard my coworker scream. Then the girl on the radio screamed. The show was about "bad jobs." My coworker had called in while still at work. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I finally tackled the expense reports I was supposed to do. Then I realized I didn't need to do any- my company never gives me any money to spend. I'm dumbemployed.