At work today, I was shielding my eyes from the sun. My boss sidled up beside me. "Bring shades tomorrow," he said. "I'm not paying for eye hiding time." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I wasn't hungover from work, but I was a little sleepy. How sleepy? Well, I had drool trickling down my chin. Which would have been fine if my lipstick hadn't left a trail right along with it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my balding coworker stood right next to me during a meeting for two hours. I did decide one thing. Bad breath is worse than being bald. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we were told we could wear t-shirts into work. Of course, I was the only one who actually did. Does everyone else really think that t-shirts have collars? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was cleaning tables and picked up a salt shaker- or tried to. It was glued to the table. Thanks, teenage customers. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my manager asked me to leave a few minutes for cleaning up in back. It's like the Augean stables and I got about 120 seconds to do it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I took an extra long bathroom break due to tacos at lunch. When I emerged, the position of the sun had changed since I went in. And yet I still rather would have eaten another taco than go back to work. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I stayed a few minutes late to finish up some work. Then I realized that staying ten minutes late would push me onto a train home that came an hour later than my normal ride. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we handed out promotional items from a booth. Our promo items? Frisbees. Good schwag. Except most convention attendees are 50 or older. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, a "regular" insisted I be his waitress. He acts like he's a cute old grandpa. Right before he tells me how he'd like to put maple syrup in lewd places on my body. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my supervisor proclaimed he had great pictures from the weekend. I asked him to show me. He did. He's 300 pounds. The pictures were from a hula hoop contest. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I asked my coworker to cover for me at the front. I found him smoking outside next to me two minutes later. "What's wrong with you?" I asked. "I figured since all you do is smoke," he said, "that's what you wanted me to cover." Touche. I'm dumbemployed.