At work today, I decided to spend the entire time writing haikus about my company. I was doing great until I realized the full name of the company is different than what I was using. The full name, of course, is more than seven syllables. I work for the un-haikuable. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I took on an extra shift because I'm in summer school and- hey- it's just summer school. Well, at like four PM I got an email that our professor decided to "have a little fun" and assign an overnight paper. I'll be tending bar when I should be writing. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, nobody was in a good mood. I don't know why, but that's just how it was. Go figure. Anyway, I tried to brighten them up with a joke. Later on I got an email. Apparently my joke was inappropriate because I'd said the word "hell." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got something in my eye but still had to tell customers what theatre their movie was in. So I was blinking and talking. As one guy walked away, I heard him tell his young son to feel sorry for the "poor retarded woman" taking tickets. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, everyone was supposed to use a new format for e-mail signatures. Who knows why. We received an ultimatum via email at about 3:00 PM. Naturally, my boss wasn't using the new format. Cool. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I followed my coworker on his lunch break. I followed him to the parking lot. He had a bottle of whiskey in his car, but instead of drinking from it, he poured a couple of drops onto his fingers, splashed them under his eyes, and went back inside. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got wind that Stephen's birthday card was being circulated around the office. I wanted to sign it and jet, but I could never find it. I finally got the card about a half hour after I'd wanted to leave. There was hardly room for me to sign. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was putting instant cream into my coffee and accidentally poured a cup full of powder into my mug. At that moment, a bitchy coworker came in. Instead of letting her scold me for wasting the coffee, I drank it right then. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we had a woman come into our grocery with reusable bags. Except instead of being made of hemp or cloth, they were normal plastic bags that she had stapled together. "Waste not, want not," she said. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss struggled into our break room with a huge fish tank. We didn't know what it was for. He started filling it with water and told us- we have company fish now, for some reason. And we're the ones who have to feed them and clean the tank. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, things were way too calm for the first hour or so- today is usually one of the restaurant's busiest days. Then we realized that there'd been a huge fire down the street. But eventually the firemen got hungry. So it worked out, except for the people in the fire. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I tried to explain to my coworker my plan for starting a mobile coffee truck. It's a long story. But anyway, it took so long that I ended up arriving late on my shift. The punishment was being "volunteered" to pull another shift afterward. I'm dumbemployed.