At work today, I called a restaurant to order a gift card for a client. She asked me for the "To" and "From." I said, "To Tom, from Citi" (the bank). She asked for my last name, and I gave it, and I asked her if she needed my first name too. She replied, "It's Citi. Right?" I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got my shift changed. Unfortunately, I've been working another job behind my boss's back. My new shift ends exactly when other job starts. I have some explaining to do. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had a pretty good job- I was translating for a Japanese businessman visiting us in Hawaii. I expected to talk about stocks and issues. He wanted to know the best bars. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was given a plunger to "have some fun and fix problems." I succesfully unclogged the toilet. That's when my boss admitted he's the one who did it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working on test questions for my students. It was a multiple choice test. I felt compelled to put "Pizza" as D for every one. The sad thing is that I'm sure a lot of students will be drawn to it regardless. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I purchased delicious cookies from the Girl Scouts for the office. After, I asked my coworkers for some money. All of them will "get back to me." I'm never getting paid for that Mint, am I? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I attempted- emphasis on "attempted"- to update my contacts file. Turns out that our company loves Windows a lot. Enough to make my job impossible. They won't even let me use my own Mac. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I started to wonder if I'm too old for my job as a construction foreman. My employees wanted me to whistle at a woman walking by. But using all that air seemed like it'd be too exhausting. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, one of my esteemed colleagues showed up super high. His insight into work culture? "Why are hamburger patties round?" I think that might be how Wendy's was invented. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my IT "upgraded" Adobe. Now the Acrobat tools I need to do my job no longer work. When I asked why, they said they thought those tools might be misused. Know what's also a misuse of company time? People not doing their jobs. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, someone called me about a paper jam in their printer. They claimed that there was no paper jammed at all. I followed the picture instructions on how and where to look for jams. Wouldn't you know it? I removed a half sheet of crumpled paper. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, our owner in California wanted to order a banner for our New Hampshire store. He wanted to use "their place in Cali" to save $15. Of course, shipping will cancel that out. And it will arrive 2 days late. I'm dumbemployed.