At work today, my boss went on vacation to Hawaii. I assumed he'd be off the grid. "I have wi-fi in the plane," he emailed me. "Now get back to work." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working with a 4 year old girl when she grabbed my boobs and loudly proclaimed, "Wow! You have really big boobs!" I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I found out we'll be decorating our conference rooms. Cool! Then I found out we'll be doing it on our own time on the weekends. Less cool. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I held a small meeting of my shift team to reiterate the procedure to ask for a day off. I had to repeat myself 3 times, and somebody still did it all wrong a few minutes later. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we kept the TV on all day during work. That would be cool. But did we have to have it on Telemundo at maximum volume? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was showing off a Zune MP3 player to a customer. I don't eactly know why. He seemed excited, but I felt like I was taking him out back to be shot. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I showed up exhausted after a long (fun) night with my boyfriend. My boss asked why I was tired. "Too much exercise," I said, tongue in cheek. "Oh really," he replied. "I do that too, by myself, every morning." I burst out laughing. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I found out I'll be TAing another semester of English 101. Should it really be called English 101 when the students can barely write? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I tried putting some hair gel in my hair (I'm a dude). My coworker noticed- and asked me if I was going to cameo on Jersey shore. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my cash register broke. Normally, it tells me the change to give. The sad thing? It took me a pen and paper to figure it out on my own. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had an epiphany- I've become the type of person who laughs at his boss's jokes just to try and make him like me. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I found out how I'll be spending all my remaining vacation time. I'm part of a high school reunion committee- and they decided our reunion would be a week long tropical vacation.