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Top Dumbemployed

At work today, while doing body measurements, I was told to lie to customers if they had gained inches on their waist, and just write down the previous number. So how will they know there's something wrong with their fitness program if we don't tell them? I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/25/17 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (17) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb

At work today, I began to see patterns in a lot of banking transactions. I called over my boss and asked him if their might be money fraud occurring. He looked at the numbers and then back at me. Then he explained that the numbers I was seeing were called “interest.” I’m dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/26/17 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (17) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( banks fraud interest )

At work today, I was supposed to get a new employee to work under me. He was already fifteen minutes late when he called. He had an excuse for being late- his cousin  had just driven in with some really good weed. I worked for him. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 03/08/17 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (16) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( training cousin marijuana )

At work today, I spent twenty minutes trying to learn how to burn CDs on a PC (I'm a Mac). I even talked to customer support in India. After a while, I finally got it. I was celebrating when I got an email- tomorrow, we're upgrading to MacBooks. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/17/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (14) Permalink
Filed Under: Customers ( mac pc outsourcing )

At work today, I watched while my coworker negotiated with a client. We sell air conditioning supplies and parts to restaurants and stores. Exciting! Anyway, to close the deal, he decided to throw in a freebie: a $25 Chilis gift card. That closed a $5,000 order. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 03/13/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (13) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( negotiating restaurant chilis )

At work today, I emailed my re-re-re-re-recorrected report to my boss, who was working from home. He called me up on my way home (35mi commute) to tell me I sent the wrong report. After 30 minutes of him accusing me of being incompetent, he realized he was opening the wrong email. I'm dumbemployed.

by officemonkey on 03/28/17 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (13) Permalink
Filed Under: Bosses ( reports commuting accusation )

At work today, I took out my old school punch card and wanted to see what would happen if I put it in upside down. Instead of just stamping the bottom half, it got stuck inside. I had to get my boss- who then had to call the company that makes the machine. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/10/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (13) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( punch card error stamping )

At work today, I was reorganizing my cubicle when my cubicle neighbor peered over. He asked me, very politely, to stop reorganizing my cubicle. I asked him why. He said he was trying to take a nap and didn't want to be disturbed. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 03/12/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (13) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( cubicles nap coworkers are crizazy )

At work today, I came in at about 9AM to see a bunch of balloons hanging around the office. My supervisor was sitting at his desk smiling. I asked him why there were so many balloons, and he said we were celebrating being the least wasteful branch. With 200 balloons. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 03/14/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (13) Permalink
Filed Under: Bosses ( balloons wasteful environmentally unsafe )

At work today, my boss brought along Oreos. The first problem? No milk. The second problem? He likes to smile a lot. I stared at his crumb filled teeth the entire day. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/09/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (12) Permalink
Filed Under: Bosses ( oreos teeth smiling )

At work today, I decided to play hookey. I skipped a lunch meeting and took a long walk around the lake. When I got back, the office was empty. Weird. I stayed until 6 and got a text from a coworker. Apparently, at the lunch meeting, our boss had given us the day off. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/09/17 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (12) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( playing hookey meeting text )

At work today, I was making subs par usual. Well, I had one guy come up and just stare at me. "You're pretty," he said. "Can I get you anything, sir?" He just kept staring. I made him a pastrami in hopes he'd have a heart attack. He accepted and paid for it. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 02/10/17 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (12) Permalink
Filed Under: Customers ( sandwiches creep pastrami )
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