Top Dumbemployed

At work today, a beautiful woman walked up to me, which doesn't happen a lot at a hardware store. She had long hair, a belly button baring red tank top, and really short shorts. I smiled a lot and waited for her to talk. Then I saw her Adam's apple bobbing up and down. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got a client brief stating how forward thinking their technology is. It ended with how they are "getting the nation ready for the 21st century." And here I thought that had started already. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we were locking up the liquor case when this 15 year old kid stepped up and offered to finish. I'm lazy, so I let him. When I came back, the key was in the lock. I asked him to explain- he thought that people would be intimidated by seeing a key. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had the longest babysitting shift with a really collicy baby. It was terrible and just nonstop crying. At 11, the mom and dad got back and asked if I could stay the night. They offered me 10 extra bucks. I did it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, our computers kept going down, as well as the rest of the power in the building. Finally, somebody investigated the generator. It turns out the problem was a squirrel. He'd been barbecued and was still stuck in the works. At least we couldn't smell it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had to start a temp job because I got laid off from my old job. My boss asked me if I knew how to use Microsoft Excel. I have a Computer Science Masters Degree. But he was right- I don't know Excel. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, our boss took us to the Cubs game. On the surface, it's pretty cool. But, of course, he's a fan of the other team- and made us wear their jerseys. We were almost beaten up. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I joined a nationwide online-meeting. Halfway through, we all started to hear female groans/grunting that lasted until the VP demanded to know who was having sex in his meeting! No more noises after that. My theory: Women's Tennis. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, everything seemed oddly blurry for most of the day. I figured it was allergies or something- the usual. When I got home, I noticed the cap was on my right contact lens. I'd forgotten to put it in. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was editing a document when it got all garbled. Some weird error turned the apostrophes into random characters. Now I have to go through and find and replace all the screwy letters. The document is 1,062 pages long. It's about taxes. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I sold a large amount of gold body paint to a mom. I happened to ask her what it was for. "Oh that," she said. "My daughter is in a beauty pageant coming up." I asked her why she had to have body paint. "It's cheaper than bronzer," she said. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had a few people come in to see if they could give a home to an animal. One little girl said she wanted a dog named Macaroni. I told her the dog we had, Scribble, would be perfect. She frowned and said she'd only take a dog named Macaroni. I'm dumbemployed.