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At work today, I did nothing but read this entire website. I answer phones, for guys who are always at their desks. I do admin work for guys who are self-sufficient. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I conducted training on stress management and visualizations for relaxation. I seated the hearing impaired up front so they could read my lips. At the end of the session, they said it was hard to follow the visualization when I asked them to close their eyes. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I finally finished the month long project of collecting newspaper clippings. I closed the folder and asked what I needed to do next. "Well, the newspaper comes out daily," they said. I opened the folder again. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I rushed to do my laundry before dinner. I think I made a mistake. The drier in my building doesn't work so well. Have you ever worn a wet skirt for eight hours? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we were all supposed to write our "nicknames" for HR to have on file. I put "Hot Dawg" as a joke. They didn't tell us the nicknames would appear on our paychecks. It'll be fun cashing that. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I realized something. If I get completely baked before I come into the office, it might help team spirit. My mind might move as slowly as my decrepit, ancient coworkers. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the receptionist walked past and smelled of poo. Usually, she smells like bad B.O. I don't know which is worse, but both are awful. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, sunlight kept getting in my eyes while I stood at the register. I started going blind, I think, so I went to the window to close the shades. They were stuck, so I pulled a little harder. Of course, that means I managed to rip the shades off the wall. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got stuck inside the supply closet, literally. It was totally dark inside and I banged against the door for at least an hour.  I was about to quit when somebody opened the door- from behind me. It turned out I'd been facing the wrong direction. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I thought I'd make something different at the coffee machine. I decided to try mixing hot chocolate with our office coffee brewer. It definitely worked. But I also managed to break the machine. Don't tell anyone- I just ran away. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss wanted me to go ahead and ship some letters. I'm an intern, so I want to do well. I went to the post office and asked my boss when I'd be reimbursed. Then he told me that our office has a mail room.  I spent a hundred bucks of my own money on stamps. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was representing a new work of art. I began to show them some of the details of the sculpture when I saw a cockroach and jumped back- into the sculpture. The piece was damaged, and the cockroach turned out to have been a piece of paper. I'm dumbemployed.