Weird Shift

At work today, I kept getting interrupted at my desk by the daughter of one of our employees. She was asking me all these questions that five year olds shouldn't be asking. Like about stock options. I think that she was being used as a spy. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, this really posh looking guy came into our free clinic. We didn't know what he was doing there. He had pink eye. Turns out he was too embarrassed to show his regular doctor. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we discovered some interesting documents in the trash. Notes between secretaries about how they were looking for new jobs. Apparently, they don't think they'll keep their current ones. The problem is that I'm their boss. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, an elderly man browsed through our selection of our vitamin store for almost an hour. Finally, he came to the front cash register where I was and wheezed out a question. "Excuse me," he said. I told him to go ahead, and he did. "Where are the cookies?" I'm dumbmployed.

At work today, I was wearing a band-aid in the kitchen due to a small cut from the night before. That didn't go over well. I got chewed out for uncleanliness. What do they want me to do? Take the bandaid off? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, there seemed to be a popcorn smell in the building. I followed it. Turns out somebody had put rice in the microwave- it was cooking for minute 22 of 30. I rescued it before the kitchen was totally set on fire. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, everybody was talking around the water cooler. That's because it was broken. A steady stream of water poured out the side of the cooler and onto the carpet. We were standing there to keep the hole plugged. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I literally prayed that I'd get some relief from the tedium of my job. Anything, I said, anything at all. I got it. Turns out our store is closing at the end of the month. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got a phone call from an old high school buddy. I always thought he was an idiot, and the call proved me right. He asked for a job as a nurse. He's never been trained. I told him I'd let him know. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I heard strange noises coming from the bathroom. I went to check and one guy came out of the stall. "Sorry," he said. "Mexican." He ran away. He was lying- thirty seconds later, the second guy came out. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my sister insisted that I call her "as soon as possible." I snuck under my desk and called her from there. Her emergency wasn't quite as bad as she'd made it sound. She was panicking because her Tivo didn't work. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I left for my vacay. Huzzah! Sadly, taking a vacay means that somebody else has to take over. That person? An 18 year old who can barely add. He's the next in line for my job. I'm dumbemployed.