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Weird Shift

At work today, I was going through old Gmails and decided to search for the phrase "my job sucks" to see how often it came up. The results weren't so good. There were 37 entries in one year. And here's another. I'm dumbemployed.

by nallyne on 11/24/17 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( gmail email my job sucks )

At work today, the newest model of a certain unmentionable car came on the lot. We got a little foot traffic for it, which was nice. But when I approached one customer to try and make a sale, he ran away waving his arms. It's a tense job. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/24/17 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( car model running )

At work today, I left the office late and got to the parking lot. My car? Gone. In its place was a hubcap and a note. "Sorry," it said. "Had to take this." I walked home. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/22/17 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (0) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( car late stolen )

At work today, my voice started cracking. I tried everything I could do to fix it, but nothing worked. Finally, I guzzled green tea. The result? I had to pee a lot more. I'm dumbemployed.

by quikslvrry on 11/21/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (0) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( voice pee cracking )

At work today, I was walking down the sidewalk holding hands with my fiancé. "Red Rover!" my coworker shouted. He barreled down at us. We were gonna let him through, but he tripped before he got to us. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/19/17 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( red rover sidewalk hands )

At work today, an anxious tremor began to come over me. I was finally going to ask out Darlene, the receptionist who I love. Well, I will have to wait a little longer. She came in today with her partner. Who's a girl. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/18/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( darlene receptionist anxious )

At work today, I was trying to stay hydrated. Well, I ended up peeing a lot too, as you might guess. That resulted in my going to the bathroom about five times. By the end of the day, I was accused of having a drug habit. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/16/17 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( drugs bathroom hydrated )

At work today, I looked outside because I heard some loud music. About ten kids were walking in a line, playing hip hop from boom boxes held up to their ears. It was like time traveling. I wish I could have time traveled to the end of work and joined them. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/16/17 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( boom box eighties loud )

At work today, I heard a rumor that Johnny Dep was going to be in the building for a photo shoot. Guess who loves him? I stayed camped out until 8 PM waiting. Turns out he was here for a photo shoot. Yesterday. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/14/17 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( johnny depp camped out photos )

At work today, my iPod started malfunctioning while I was cleaning windows. It sounded at first like a screeching, alien nose. I almost ripped them off my head. Then my coworker informed me he'd put his band's song on. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/13/17 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( ipod screeching alien )

At work today, I was listening to my coworker do somebody's hair. Her small talk got more and more invasive. Eventually, she was confronting this poor girl about having an affair. Tears and hair were left on the floor. I'm dumbemployed.

by fabtw on 11/11/17 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( tears hair affair )

At work today, we went panning for gold on a work trip. Needless to say, we found none, of course. But when it was over, we went back to the hotel we're staying at and drank. Only later did we notice that our hands were covered in dirt- and gold flakes. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 11/11/17 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (3) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( gold panning dirty )
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