Bosses

At work today, I've been trying to quit smoking. Needless to say, I've been a little jittery. Is it bad that I screamed at my boss to "suck a lemon"? Except with more cursing? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my supervisor came into the kitchen to talk about the movie "The Wrestler." His big complaint? "Not violent enough." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I requested three things: a raise, a week off, and a promotion. My boss game me one of them- a week off. My only vacation days for the year. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss and I met a new client at a restaurant. We sat down and my boss talked about marathon running nonstop. Then, of course, we realized that the guy was on crutches. Nice work, chief. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss had me sit in on a hiring session. Turns out he has an unorthodox technique. It was like waterboarding but without the relief of water. I was silent. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had a ten minute debate with a customer about pricing. He thought our 2.50 drink was a dollar. And apparently the menu didn't convince him otherwise. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I took a call from my wife. After the call my boss was on the phone and motioned me into his office. While I was waiting he said, “Honey, I have to go, I’ll call you back later.” Then he turned to me and reprimanded me for personal phone calls. I’m dumbemployed.

At work today, I was shown mockups for our new office by my boss. Our current space is 3,000 square feet. The new one: 1500. I need to lose some weight, I think. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I found out that my old boss was fired from his new job. Is it bad that I clapped my hands in front of the computer? Too bad my new boss is worse. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I begged my boss for a business credit card. He delivered one. The spending limit is $10. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, in a meeting, my boss's boss said that nobody in the department could ask for vacation more than 3 months in advance. Later, my boss's boss sent an e-mail to everyone that said she wouldn't be available the week of Christmas because she'd be "out of the office." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my supervisor was complaining about how his wife is "getting half of everything" in the divorce. He's a gas station supervisor. How much "everything" can there really be? I'm dumbemployed.