Bosses

At work today, I exchanged 30 emails with my boss in 28 minutes. The topic? Productivity. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got a text from my boss as I was getting change and locked my keys in the safe. I begged my boss, who was in a meeting, to come in and get them out. Later that day it happened again. My keys are still there. I blame my boss for the distraction. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss scheduled me for a Saturday night shift. I was mad, of course, and asked him to reschedule me. He asked why. I lied and told him I was moving out of my apartment. Then he offered to help me move. This is what happens when you lie. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was researching a personal injury lawsuit for a partner in the firm. He stormed in the library and yelled at me about our client. "Damn it, why couldn't the son of a bitch break two legs instead of just one?" I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss asked me to hand him an extension cord for his computer. Apparently, it’s crucial that he be able to plug in almost twenty feet away from the outlet. I’m dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss announced that she’s taking maternity leave in a month. Of course, she isn’t pregnant- her sister is. Nobody called her on it. I’m dumbemployed.

At work today, we took a company photo. Only later on did I realize my manager had given me rabbit ears. I didn’t realize I was in fourth grade. I’m dumbemployed.

At work today, I managed to sleep until one when I was supposed to come in early at nine. Nice work. I got to the office and my boss was waiting. He was mad. But he was mad because I didn't bring him lunch. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I lost a really important client in the industry. I told my boss with my head down. "Who?" he asked. Sometimes it pays to have a boss who is a moron. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my manager showed up with a new vanity plate on his car. “BESTBSS.” I guess “Best Boss” was taken. I could have told you that he wasn’t it. I’m dumbemployed.

At work today, I missed my flight due to an endless security check at the airport. When I told my boss about it, the first thing he asked was if I’d done it. I’m dumbemployed.

At work today, the editor I work for said that my grammar needed improvement. Her email included three smileys and a “WTF.” I’m dumbemployed.