Bosses

At work today, I came in early to help my boss move a bunch of boxes/file cabinets off the clock. As a thank you, she took me out to lunch. When the bill arrived, she pulled the "Oh my, where's my wallet?" routine. So I'm out $50 and 2 hours of my time. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had to appraise some books for resale. I priced them and handed the information to my boss. He looked at me and laughed. "This is junk!" he shouted and threw a book on the floor. Later, we found out it was worth $200- like I said it was. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I watched the longest movie trailer available on Apple.com. Naturally, I rewatched it. Later that day, my boss talked to me about productivity. Not about the trailer though. He said that I was working too hard and making my coworkers look bad. I''m dumbemployed.

At work today, the wife of my boss called in asking where he was. I knew, of course. He was at lunch with his mistress. I told the wife that he was in a meeting. Then she proceeded to call me a liar and an idiot for not having the specifics. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had a fight. My boss kept clearing all the customers off the portable keyboards we sell. Lame. So I told him he was wrong. He said he needed them clean so he could practice his own music later. My boss is as fat as Elton John, but not as good. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the third strike happened. I'm out. My immediate supervisor, who is pregnant, told me I couldn't understand her struggle. The problem? I had a baby a few months ago. It wasn't that she didn't care. It was that she'd already forgotten. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the director of our show was even more prissy than normal. At one point he asked me to "emote more loudly." I spoke up. That's when he asked if I could "quieten my voice." I got a dictionary. "Quieten" is not a word. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I finally got my new car! It's cherry red and nice. So I showed it off to everybody at work. My supervisor walked over and saw it. He nodded and said that, for a person with my pay, it was surprisingly nice. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I went into the office gym at the same time as my boss. I ran on the treadmill behind him. Every few minutes, he looked back at me. After a while, I realized that he was trying to get me to go back to work. I kept running. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss called me to tell me from now on I had to be in the office at 8 AM because a new project engineer was going to move into our office. I don't know why it would matter, since it's now noon and my boss hasn't shown up yet. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I figured I was due a break and strolled outside to just take in some fresh air. Ah, fresh air, how I missed thee. When I came back in, my boss was waiting for me. I tried to explain I'd been gone five minutes- but he assigned me an extra hour's worth of work. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the state director held a monthly meeting at my office. Halfway through, he started talking about how he keeps on seeing 3 green lights in the sky at night. After 5 minutes of UFO talk, he went right back to PR without realizing the entire room was laughing at him. I'm dumbemployed.