At work today, I was shielding my eyes from the sun. My boss sidled up beside me. "Bring shades tomorrow," he said. "I'm not paying for eye hiding time." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I wasn't hungover from work, but I was a little sleepy. How sleepy? Well, I had drool trickling down my chin. Which would have been fine if my lipstick hadn't left a trail right along with it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my balding coworker stood right next to me during a meeting for two hours. I did decide one thing. Bad breath is worse than being bald. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we were told we could wear t-shirts into work. Of course, I was the only one who actually did. Does everyone else really think that t-shirts have collars? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was cleaning tables and picked up a salt shaker- or tried to. It was glued to the table. Thanks, teenage customers. I'm dumbemployed.