At work today, my jeans ripped right in the front left thigh when I was cutting open a box. The whole time you could see this gaping hole and even part of my boxers. The weird thing? Nobody even noticed that it happened. I left without a word. I'm wearing the jeans tomorrow, too. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, our IT department began a terrible new policy where we have to submit all the websites that we want to visit on our work computers during work. I want to die. That's the reason I stayed an hour late today trying to figure out why Youtube was necessary for work. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I overhead two of my coworkers planning how they were going to "massively increase their salaries and booze money." My interest was piqued, so I walked a little closer. Turns out their plan was just to commit tax fraud. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses came to the legal aid office I work at asking to leave Watchtower magazines in the lobby. I told them we weren't allowed to because we are a publicly funded group. I guess they thought that talking to me for an hour would convince me. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, a huge car wreck happened about three buildings down. We all went down to look at it, and my boss said "Man, it's just like NASCAR. Amazing." Except, of course, somebody probably got hurt. At least he didn't get a lawn chair. I'm dumbemployed.